'Twas the night before
Christmas, when all through Allstate,
Thousands of agents sat pondering their fate;
The Company's leaders, who work without care,
Were hoping the Internet soon would be there;
The Directors were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of stock options danced in their heads;
And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had had about all we could take of this crap,
When out on the street there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from mamma to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a 30 foot limmo approaching so near.
With a little old driver, who did not look well read,
I knew in a moment that it must be Ed.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, RICK, now, STEVE now, JOHN and MS CROCKETT!
Help me put more millions in my pocket!!
To the top of the world! or the street that's called Wall!
Nothing's so important as the price of ALL!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricanes fly,
Which cost Allstate billions in surplus gone dry,
So up to the front door the officers they flew,
With contracts and release forms, and Ed Liddy too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard at the door,
The preening and buttlicking of the officer corps.
As I grabbed for my wallet, and was turning around,
Through the front door Eddy came with a bound.
He was dressed in Armani, from his head to his toes,
And his minions were all dressed in similar clothes;
A $2,000 briefcase he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler who was selling cheap smack.
His eyes -- how they shifted! his demeanor how scary!
This guy was so different, not at all like old Jerry!
His angular mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the hair on his head was as white as the snow;
The stump of a stogie he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
With a dishonest face, and not much of a belly,
And his plan for the Company, which seemed rather smelly.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And laid out the forms, that dumb little jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
Said "sign one, what which one? Well nobody knows!"
Well Mamma and I didn't know what to do
So we said "There's a Class Action Ed, we will sue!"
His reply? "Suit yourself, but you know who will win"
"We've hired top lawyers", he said with a grin.
He sprang to his limmo, to his SMT gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, HERE'S THE SPOT YOU CAN BITE!!"
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